So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
