With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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