my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize