Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
