Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm too high and old for this...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
