The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
NoShamevember. You game?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
