But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my being single is dangerous.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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