I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
