Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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