Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
