i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
