we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
