Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
