***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
