it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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