you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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