my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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