I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
