so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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