halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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