I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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