i just had sex bonerless
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
