just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
