I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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