hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
