was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
