I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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