he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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