Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish my penis had a tongue
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
