i jhust puked up my retainher.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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