Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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