after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
