She went from zero to smokin in five shots
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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