Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
