i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Life is so much better after having sex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
