i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
