and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
