My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
