Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
