so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
