im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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