I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
