why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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