I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
