Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
