I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
