my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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