Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
