he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
