K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
