Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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