dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
