hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
