just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
