So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Enjoy the penises
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
