So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just googled if crying burns calories
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i've created a new STD.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
