he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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