you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
