It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
