Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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