Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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