If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
