$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
