I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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