The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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