fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
