Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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