wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
