Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
