I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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