just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
