I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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