: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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