After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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