areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you would pick up someone in the library
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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