Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
