with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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