I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize