college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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