I'm gonna have a badass scar
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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