Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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