she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My hand turned me down
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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