dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
