I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think my vagina is haunted
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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