After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
