You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
