By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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