im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
