so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
