What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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