he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
