Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
