Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
