I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
