I'm gonna have a badass scar
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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