Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize