i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
