dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
