The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
