She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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