I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize