not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
