I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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