ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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