Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
