You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
