the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize