4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
