Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
