Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
