he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
