Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
