I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
