You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
