I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
